Things to Never say to Voldy
by alyssialui
Summary: WARNING: Only say these if you have a death wish. These will immediately get you at the wrong end of an Avada Kedavra. I hope you find it funny though. you have been warned. Ideas welcome. Also I got tons of these, so this wont finish soon
1. Chapter 1

1. You got beat by a baby!

2. I just looove the bright green of your Avada Kadavra

3. You should really try to work past your Daddy issues

4. Oh my, what the heck happened to your nose?

5. coughhalfbloodcough

5a. coughhypocritecough

6. Dude...just get over it!

7. BALDY!!!!

8. voldy, i am your father

9. Dude, you really need to get some sun, a tan would sure do you some good!!

10. Sorry Voldy, Good Wizards only.

11. "I'm gonna have to see some ID ... "

12. Hey, aren't you Harry Potter's bi-atch?

13. So, a baby and a self-proclaimed megalomaniac walk into a bar...

14. Are you also a bed wetter?

15. Harry Potter totally OWNED you!

16. Ralph Fiennes plays you in the movie version.

17. you're a republican, arent you.

18. lets go snake hunting

19. So...is that like a birth defect...?

20. You can't get me nah, nah, nah, nah, nah

21. What's your problem anyway?

22. How many killing curses does it take 2 kill a baby? Well we shudnt ask u, shud we, Voldy?

23. Darth Vader cud kick ur ass. At least hes proved he can kill a bunch of kids

24. Can I have your autograph?

25. So...shagged Bella recently?

26. WHOOOA!!!... I mean... hm... Love the nose job... who did it:)

27. what happend to your hair?

28. Dude, you are a bitch.

29. can I touch your head?

30. poke poke

31. Oh my god...do you have skin cancer?

32. I'm better than you AND Harry Potter!

33. Hey Voldy, y r u mad 2day? oh still? come on, that was 16 years ago, let it go

34. oh.. wait i think u have a booger

35. So is this power you want, is it compensating for something

36. Ur mean 2 every1, friends and foes alike. "So, how's that working for you"?

37. You just got served, BY A BABY!

38. I just came from Wal Mart, I got a new nose on layaway for ya

39. So if u want 2 b a big, famous wizard, y wont u let them use ur name

40. So, you and Michael Jackson share the same plastic surgeon, eh?

41. Hey, I'm dressing up as Harry Potter 4 Halloween, so I was wonderin if u wanted 2 tag bhind me, pretend 2 kill me, thn drop dead while we trick or treat?

42. Albus Dumbledore is the greatest sorcerer in the world!

43. Harry potter pwns you

44. OH MY GOD ITS MICHEAL JACKSON! I LOVED THRILLER CAN YOU SIGN MY BOOBS

45. Did you watch American Idol last night? Are you a Taylor fan or a Kat fan?

46. Hey, are you gay? Because you sound like it.

47. How come you have so much trouble killing a bunch of kids?

48. hey brother

49. do i make you horny baby

50. BCH, Where's my money?! -pimp smack- 


	2. Chapter 2

51. wud u bow"

52. r u a virgin?

53. hav u evn had a girlfriend??

54. Have u ever wondered why ur not the star of the books

55. What happened 2 u? u luk like u lost a fight wid a paper shredder

56. Wen u were reborn, was evry part of u regenerated??

57. U smell like death

58. Hey, do u wanna go 2 a (insert annoyin singer's name here) concert wid me?

58. Hey, do you wanna join a health spa??

59. Can i borrow a tampon??

60. Look over there, isnt that guy makin off wid ur Barney doll

61. Someone needs a huuuug!"

62. I know a great wig maker. She could do WONDERS for you. She could make that scaley scalp DIS-AP-PEAR!

63. Wats ur obsession wid teenage boys? I mean, tryin 2 sneak into their bedrooms while their parents r still home... sneakin into their dorm rooms... usin small redhead girls jus 2 make them jealous and lure them in. Ur really creepin me out man..."

64. So..uh..wats the deal wid u and the potter kid raises eyebrows I heard you had a thannng goin

65. Excuse me, you know Harry Potter?

66. So, how's that book coming?

67. Aren't you...wait, wait, no sorry he was straight.

68. so i know a GREAT tanning salon in hogsmeade

69. I think you were picking your nose a little too hard too often."

70. Hey there Tommy! Afta ur done playin wid these kids, Ive lined up a great deal wid a tanning cream company... ur gonna be the BEFORE guy!

71. hi ur Darkness. Im sorry, but the ministry has sent me 2 let u kno that ur not really a wizard at all. It seems there was some typo on our list and all this 'magic' uve been doin is really jus some weird side effect of a bad cold. I mean, look, uve sneezed ur nose completely off. So I guess Im jus gonna hav 2 confiscate that wand."

72. Dude can I borrow a galleon?

73. I love your complexion.

74. Are you Harry's father?

75. So...you like Celine Dion?

76. So.. who do u think wud win in a fight, u or Jackie Chan?? my votes 4 Jackie Chan.

77. Hey u in the black robes!!

78. I eat you with a spork!

79. U-G-L-Y-YOU AINT GOT NO ALIBI YOU UGLY YEAH YEAH YOU UGLY!

80. what would jesus do??

81. lets get onto the jeremy kyle show and sort all this out

82. cool shoes

83. did you cry when bambi's mum died?

84. whats for dinner?

85. i can say she sells sea shells by the sea shore, can you?

86. can i have the number of your plastic surgeon? he did wonders for your nose

87. Will you marry me?

88. So hows life been treating you since you left Hogwarts?

89. Why are you bald and why are your eyes red? Did you smoke marijuana???

90. OH my god your penis is tiny!!!!

91. Sorry im seeing somebody

92. What can i do to help?

93. My I take your order?

94. Dude, your eyes. Allergies? Try Clear Eyes.

95. Hey, Voldy! Wanna hang later? Maybe we can catch a movie or sumthin,

96. You know you're really ugly up close.

97. So me and my bff Harry Potter...

98. DUDE U HAVE ISSUES!!!

99. Three cheers for harry potter!!!

100. Harry potter is my cousin! 


	3. Chapter 3

101. are you hungry? you look thin.

102. Maybe you should get a hobby, or a dog. which ever is better for you??

103. Lalalalal...i cant hear you...lalalalalala

104. Excuse me, um Dark Lord? Do you wear boxers or breifs?" ' He stares

"Commando, then?" "Avada Kedavra!"

105. "I must say, Dark Lord, you look absolutely dashing in red."

106. "Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes."

107. Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn!

108. yo ure really in need of a manicure and a pedicure. I mean, look at the condition of those nails and cuticles!

109. Hey, guess what? LV; Lord Voldemort and Louis Vuitton! Now all the spoiled little rich girls are gonna be all over you!

110. Dude, stop picking on kids and get a life. I mean a real one, too.

111. "So were you not breast fed or something?"

112. "You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication"

113. "Where did you get your haircut, the pet shop?"

114. "You look like a talent scout for a cemetery"

115. "Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed"

116. Gasps But he was just a baby! Slaps.

117. Me: So how is Bella, if you know what I mean wink wink nudge nudge.

Voldemort: ...I'm not sleeping with her, you beep idiot.

Me: Tsk Tsk. What a shame. Then there really is no chance of you ever having sex again.

118. Wanna be Darth Vader??

119. ohmigod WHAT is that awful smell? I think it's a- yes i think it is- a HALFBLOOD

120. I don't think you can have babies anymore.

121. Oh my god, so i heard this story about this psychopath that escaped from the authorities and everyone was so afraid of him and everything, and he had this horrible reputation for being horribly insane, evil and didnt give 2 craps what he did to hurt people, and he killed a lot of people, then there was this baby, bout 1 year old, and he couldnt kill it, simply because he was like, loved or something. have you heard about this guy? what a freaking pus...oh wait...i see...

122. Cruci-Oh my god! Look at those robes! They're so DRAB! holds up hem of Voldemort's robes Some bright spring colors would really help to take the focus off your... less desirable facial features.

123. Let me guess. Sumbody locked you in a room with a snake when you were a kid.

124. tag youre it

125. what do you think of dan radcliffe's acting?

126. I love you!

127. Harry to Voldy (rapping: Go Voldy, It's your birthday, Who's your Daddy?

128. Yo Voldy. Dont you kno who I am? Im the Juggernaught b!tch.

129. I bet you couldn't beat my baby brother!

130. I found your nose.

131. I got you a present... HAIR SPRAY!!!YAYYYYYYYYY!

132. - You were destroyed by a 1-year-old!!! HA-HA!

133. - You could need a nose-job... you reptile...

134, Im glad you dont have kids. Heaven forbid yo ur spawn walks on the plains of earth.

135. I will blow you to the plains of hell, villain!

136. oh...! sorry,.. do you have a cold ? youre sick, arent you? May I propose some kleenex for uh... yo ur uh... "nose"?!

137. dont turn your back on me

138. youre just a forgotten memory

139. you call this a servent??

140. would you really want a body like that??

141. Hey Tom! I'm Harry! I just took polyjuice potion!"

142. "I dig your dark sith look you got going on there tom"

143. "Hey tom, how many dark lords does it take to take over the world? I dont know, none have been able to yet

144. Now, voldy... won't you just tell harry how you really feel

145. Voldemort has GRILLLLZ

146. "Seriously? I never knew that yo ur mum was a squib and yo ur father was a muggle!"

147. I mean seriously "You-Know-Who" is not a good name, cause I damn well dont kno who. Is it yo ur neighbor?

148. A ninny by any other name just will not do, so why do you go by you-kno-who?

149. "You know people with power issues are really just trying to make up for their short comings."

150. "You and Harry can work this out, all you need to do is talk to Dr. Phil." 


	4. Chapter 4

151. "you dont have the ability to love? Id pissed off to if i didnt have the ability to have sex."

152. "Hay, Half-Blood over here."

153. You want a choc-late? I could eat a million and a half o' these... My momma always said, 'Life was like a box of choc-lates...' You never know what yo ur gonna get."

154. Dude, are you afraid of heights, because your fly is.

155. What kind of a Frakin' name is Voldemort?

156. What are you man, insane?

157. Somebody better lay off the fire whiskey.

158. Oh man Voldy was that you? Silent but deadly. What crawled up yo ur a$$ and died?

159. Hey Voldy who peed in your cornflakes?

160. Hi um... could you point me out to the "We hate all baldies who get pwned by babies" Convention? Yea its right next yo the "Im a faulty nose job victim who has a psychopath obsession with little boys" help-clinic. You look like you would know where Im talking about.

161. Ya know, all you gotta do is write a letter to Oprah talking about yo ur feelings about Harry, and if yo ur lucky, maybe youll get a box of muffins, or even a Volvo!"

162. "So...is that pantene you use or is it head and shoulders cause those flakes have got to go"

163. "Keeping your feelings inside never works! you gotta talk to someone...juts dial 1-800-4DRPHIL, hell sort this out."

164. Theres something on your butt, Voldy. My eyes.

165 Michael Jackson fan, eh?"Voldemort nods. "How did you know?" "The nose says it all, dude. The nose says it all..."

166. "Can I feel your head?"

167. unveils evil plan . . . It'll be like taking candy from a baby . . . oh wait.

168. Okay Mr. Riddle, Im just gonna go ahead and prescribe some Zoloft for you...

169. That's a big wand. Tryin' to compensate for something?

170 Hey, Voldie! Yeah you, the homo with no nose. Did anyone ever tell you the Death Shroud look is out? you know, I have met some DUMB lizardmen in my life, but you take the chalupa pal. Only a dark wizard would come back to life NOW, and choose England.

171. Whoa, Micheal Jackson in person? So you really -did- drop that nose of yours?

172. I wanna bear your kids. No really! They would be 1/4-wizard, even more hatred against the majority of the population on Earth. Groovy.

173. Why, it's old man Jenkins!

Voldemort: Argh, you got me.

Me: But why, Jenkins? Why did you do it?

Voldemort: Because me and Doris were going to lose the farm.

Me: Take this man away officers.

Voldemort: ...and I wud hav gotten away with it too if it wasnt for you meddling students and that darn Dobby Doo!

Dobby: Dobby, Dobby Doo!

174. OMG... I'm like your BIGGEST fan!!! Yea your my favorite person in the world... after Harry Potter, Albus Dumbldore, Captian Underpants, the Red Baron, Simon Cowell, Mr. T., Bill Nye, and the Energiser Bunny! uh-uh. yo ur tied with Diana Ross...

175. Will Bobby ask me to prom? (shakes Voldemort's head) Signs point to yes!

176. I have 2 tickets to a Cher concert if you wanna go..unless yo ur more of a Celine Dion fan? OR we could go see Barry Manilow!

177. Dude if you have a problem, I can get you some Viagra. There are medications for that sort of thing now.

178. Are you by any chance related to Micheal Jackson...

179. Voldemort...sounds like a type of mold...

180. I know this really great tanning salon, you should consider trying it out

181. "Say Voldy, have you ever made love to a Communist?"

182. "I bet you wish that you were an oscar meyer weaner"

183. Yo, Woldiewort, oops, sorry, Voldemort, no, thats not yo ur name either... OH YEAH! I remember what it is... Sir Tomas the Riddle!!!

184. If you only had a brain

185. I bet your a virgin!

186. 69 DUDE!

187. LOL nice. you got a kind of michael jackson nose going on there, ever considered surgery? or therapy for not having the surgery?

188. freash air will do ya some good

189. good god how much make-up did it take you to use?

190. you look a little thin, may I suggest Dudley with a side order of soup

191. dont you wish yo ur gf was hot like me?, dont you wish yo ur gf was a freak like you?

192. if only looks could kill

193. water, air, fire, or earth?

194. going to a costum party?

195 yo ure in great shape, did you go to curves?

196. I just love the new book, "Tom Riddle and the dancing daises"

197. youre just the girl im looking for

198. did you know yo ur nickname in high school was Voldefart?

199. werent you a girl last time we met

200. are you tickleish? 


	5. Chapter 5

201. dont look under the bed

202. me and you share one thing...good looks!!

203. you wanna make a rainbow??

204. yo ur favorite stuffed animal is a winne the poo bear?

205 kiss the girl/guy

206. love the dress, hate you

207. so you think you can dance?

208. all the kings horses and all the kings men couldnt turn you into a nice wizard again

209. all the kings horses and all the kings men couldnt put yo ur heart back together again

210. so you want to be a wizard?

211. jerry springer called.

212. have you looked in a mirror lately?

213. is that yo ur tampon?

214. you got a little booger... right there

215 i pledge alligence, to voldermort, of the united state of voldytown, and yo the prisioners, for which its for, 1 escape under voldermort, visible with hope and justice for all...

216. Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

217. "you kno theres a word for grown men, or whatever you are...that have obsessions with teenage boys. Theyre called pedophiles."

218. did M.J steal your nose or did you give it to him as a birthday present?

219. Go on! AK me! I dare you!

220. I bet bloody noses must be hell for you...

221. Voldy! you my brotha from anotha motha!

222. crack is wack! I mean seriously, they should put you in health videos to show the side effects

223. tom...you suck at this...

224. Baby you're home early.

225 Are you done yet? All of this killing is starting to really tick me off.

226. Wait stand there, a little to the left, to far, to the right a bit. There, now stand still a second. (To a Walkie-talkie) Fire! (Laughs) you shouldve seen the look on yo ur face!

227. I love you. You love me...

228. Jus because you couldnt date doesnt mean you have the right to take over the wizarding world.

229 Everybody dies some day, it's inevitable

230. So, Harry and me were talking, and...Oh, who are you again????

231. Bella's cheating on you...

232. Pink is so your colour...

233. Dude, a hunk of cheese is smarter, more evil and more immortal than you are!

234. after seeing him I need to call Ghost Busters!

235 Do you still hav the number for yo ur plastic surgeon? ...Because you should SUE!!!

236. 'Marvolo'... OHMIGOSH! Yourr---No! Youre related to him?!?! OHMIGOSH! Can I have some washing detergent????

237. That 'looks can kill' phrase??? Ever heard of it? Well, look in a mirror and you will!

238. Where's the party?...What? You're not going to a costume party?????

239. What? They didn't tell you to 'say no to drugs' back then?

240. Aww, you need a hug?

241. Dude, you're shorter in person. Like I mean, REALLY short.

242. Dude, did you tickle a sleeping dragon? Is that why yo ure so pissed? Because it bit off yo ur nose?

243. Hi, Im from the New York Yankees, and Id like to sign the person who bashed yo ur face in with a baseball bat onto my team.

244. Pick on someone ur own size! Oh, wait...if you did that, youd probably be picking on 1 year olds, who you seem to have a problem defeating.

245. Say, could you force Harry to get me Hermiones number? What about Ginny?

246. Way to go on that Potter kid. That one isnt going to come back and bite you.

247. Oh, so you can't even kill a little four eyes when he cries.

248. Isn't Death Eater a suspiciously sexual name for a group of evildoers ?

249. A woman controls your fate.

250 Darth Vader would kill you. At least he can get the job done.


	6. Chapter 6

**Submitted by _The Spiny Butterfly:_**

1. "Are the death eaters like Juggalos? Other than the family part, you seem so alike. Are you the head Juggalet- erm..Juggalo?"

2. Suicide Hotline...we'd like to help you Voldy. There's a gun in the cupboard...just pull the trigger...On yourself this time...poor lucius  
3. Whenever you see him, bust out in Christina Aguilera's Ain't No other Man and claim that you were singing it for Harry Potter mintues earlier...

* * *

251. Are orphanages nice? You'd know better than me.

252. Yo Voldy! Prepare to Die! Avada Kedavra!!! OWNED!!

253. "ALWAYS LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE OF LIVE"

254. you remember the sorcerers stone rite? i have 1 at the bottom of my fish tank.

255 DAMN you need a tic-tac

256. (on first seeing him) Gasp "OMG. Is that ur real nose?..."(he nods) (

pause) "WAHAHAHAHAHASNORTAHAHAHAHA. YOURE KIDDING!!!! YOU LOOK LIKE A TURTLE... A BIG BALD TURTLE!!!

257. i know a song that gets on everybodys nerves, everybodys nerves, everybodys nerves, i know a song that gets on everybodys nerves, and this how it goes...

258. pout baby, pout, thats it look sexy, show us your pout

259. welcome to the dark side of the force

260. have you got change for a tenner?

261. want to see my cock? he's annoying, wakes me up everyday at 5 am

262. the power of christ compells you

263. maybe you should pair up with Santa Claus??

264. You should try out for American Idol. Youd be perfect

265 Ya... Id like a cheeseburger.. and a fries and a diet coke wid one of those cute little bendy straws (in a dumb-blonde voice)

266. hey, Voldie! look at me! I am yo ur father imitating Darth Vader... not a good joke huh...? runs away

267. This is over!... this is not working!... I'm going to my mother's!

268. Now... give me that wand... yeah...thats it, good boy. Now... Sit! throws the wand away go and get it!

269. Go Go Muggles! Go Go Muggles!! Oh! it's cold in here! there are Muggles in the atmosphere! Wooohooo!!

270 Wow, you are even uglier in person. Scraych that you are fuggly."

271. oobee doo, I wanna be like you, I wanna walk like you, Talk like you, too. youll see its true

272. can i have your autograph?

273. so what you driving now?

274. yes i can see what youre trying to achieve with the black but its missing something... accessories!!! well get you a nice sparkly belt, and a few bangles and youll be complete

275 Hows the Potter hunt going? Personally I wouldve killed him when I had the chance.

276. okay, i want 2 big macs, um, 1 large order of fries. wait... hold on...3 large cokes.. and 1 apple pie.

277. are you a parking ticket? Cause you have fine written all over you!

278. You?? supreme ruler of the wizard world? HA! Argus Filch's got a better shot!

279. Dude! Let's get wasted!!!

280. Voldy moldy underpants!!!

281. What is it with you anyways? you come back from the dead and all you want to do is touch a boy and play with yo ur snake?

282. Hey, Voldy-poo, I just thought up a cool new nickname for you: "The-Man-Who-Let-The Boy-Lived." Catchy huh?

283. (smack him over the head, then say): What?! I was trying to give you a cool scar like that Harry Potter kid...have you heard of him? HE RULES!!!

284. Voldy: What is this? It's somewhat tasty...

Me: (evil smirk)...heh...Fried snake

285 "Mr. Clean?! Wow! Can I have yo ur autograph? Oops. Youre not Mr. Clean. My bad."

286. You should see a psychiatrist. You need to work out your issues

287. That's some breath you got there. Tic-tac?

288. well... you smell funny!

289 hi mr. half blood!

290. "bother, bother, bother!"

291. "molee, Molee, Molee!"

292. how old were you when you went bald... 3??

293. are you the president of the new age michael jackson impersonators alliance?

294. Did anyone ever tell you that black doesn't work for you?

295 Silly Voldy, Trix are for kids!

296. Like i said before, FRANCE.SUX. ITALY FOR THE WORLD CUP

297. ME: Eww. yo ur breath smells like kitty litter

Voldemort: I was curious

298. Voldy, you're one ugly motherer.

299 "So love is why you couldnt kill a baby? I think someone's just making excuses."

300. The whole grimm repear thing isnt working for you. May I suggest some Denim Jeans? Theyre very sliming.

301. Has anyone ever told you you are ugly??... Never??... well go to this site search _jackskellingtonspumkpinqueen _and read her story, youll know which one it is, and call me in the morning


	7. Chapter 7

301. you were hotter in Chamber of Secrets.

302. So...you wanna make out?

303. Ugh, black is soooo last season!

304. Committed any genocides lately?

305. Me: Wait who are you??

Voldemort: I am the great Lord Voldemort!!

Me: Oh thats right, ive heard about you. yo ure the guy who USED to be like the most powerful wizard. Werent yo ur powers taken away by that one baby dude, whats his name, oh ya Harry Potter?? now thats just sad, i mean you claimed to be the most powerful wizard, and you were taken down by a BABY?? man, i feel sorry for you.

306. Voldemort: I eat pieces of sht like you for breakfast!!

Me: You eat pieces of sht for breakfast?? thats sick!!

307. You look like Snoopy and it makes me smile

308 Put a smile on.

309. I have nipples, Voldemort, would you milk me?

310. You had me at "Hello."

311 Mister, I'm about to make you a Mrs.

312. So, um, you think you could get me Harry's autograph?

313. I think it's time for someone's nap!

314. Would you go see "Snakes on a plane"?

315. Do you shed?

316. Do you make gay love to your deatheaters?

317. Do you know Dracula?

318. Would you ever get a nose ring? Oh sorry you don't have one.

319. i could kick your ass even if you didnt have a wand

320. Nice wand but...its a bit small, compared to Harry Potters anyways, mmm that boy is scrumpious...besides arnt you a bit too old and shrivelled for me? aww, dont be sad. i think my frend, Severus, would just luv you...

321 Theyre coming to take you away,ha-haaa! Theyre coming to take you away to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time and youll be happy to see those young men in their nice white coats!

322. Its hot,clapits hot,clapits hot out here! There must be some muggles in the atmosphere!

323. Is your refridgerator running?

324. does the crucio spell hurt?

325. nasally challenged

326. could you get me an autograph of michael jackson?? you must visit neverland very much, with all those kids around?

327. its time -its time- its time -its time- to get urself a tan. lets grab the lotion and start the motion and get yourself a tan. Go man!!

328. Simon says: do the avada kedavra

329 do you feel like playing a game of scrabble?

330 so, how are the AA (anonymous agressive)-meetings going?

331 awwwwww oochiekoochiekooo (working his cheek)

332. ok sigh , time out, lets start from the beginning

333. stop waving that wand around; youre going to take someone's eye out

334. excuse me, but you have something between yo ur teeth..

335. hmmm dont you just love strawberry-ice cream?

336. whats the deal with yo ur attitude? having a midlife-crisis? dreaming about that ferrari?? dreaming about me??

337. ok, i rented 2 movies for tonight; 'IT' and 'Lemony Snicket'.. ow.. both about killin children, which wont work... o ok.. I think 'Sound of Music' is over there in the left drawer.

338. honey, could you bring me my slippers and the newspaper please

339. you are hot! we should get together for a drink sometime, can i call you voldy-baby?

340. Hey, you see this guy next to me? Yeah, the ugly bastard with the funny eyes? His mama is such a HO, that she got knocked up by a...wait for it.. a MUGGLE! No s! No, his daddy wasnt a Muggle-born wizard, or even a squib, but a MUGGLE!! Can you blieve it?! And whats with that giant snake that follows him around? Is he trying to make up for his less-than impressive trouser snake? What a dork!!!.

341 You are my favorite, but ugliest character of all movies ever made

342. "Sooo... Met anyone new lately?"

343. "OHH. So yo ure 'u-Kno-Who'. I never could figure out what people were talking about."

344. "Yo' mammas so stupid, she thought you actually succeeded in killing Harry Potter!"

345. "AAHHH. Fugly Monster!!"

346. "Voldemort, I'll suck your snake for a thousand galleons."

347. "You're a poser V, a poser!"

348 Oh V, those condoms I loaned you, they're defective, don't use them."

349 Um...so all that horcrux soul splitting stuff... did you know that would make you luk like a turd that someone dressed up in a sissy black robe or was that an unknown side effect.

350 dude, you need to get laid. 


	8. Chapter 8

351. wait, you got something on your nose. just... right... ooops! next time, use a kleenex!

352. I'm sorry sir, your credit card has been declined.

353. It's pronounced Levi-ooooo-sa not Leviosaw!

354. Voldemort...I'm pregnant...

355. you know, i dont know what you think, but i think your life just went down the tube in the past like million years. I mean first, you were born. And your mum was a squib and your dad was a muggle. Then, you changed your name to voldemort and well, dont you think that sounds a bit like a name a little kid would give themself? i do. and THEN, a baby took away all your powers, and imagine how hilarious that might have been to watch. then, a teenage boy escapes from you 4 times in a row... i just think you might need counselling or SOMETHING.

356. "WOW! What factor sun block do YOU use?"

357. "Are you constipated? You look it?"

358. "Just out of curiosity, were your parents siblings?"

359. "Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you had enough oxygen at birth?"

360. -points behind Voldemort- DEATH! Ha, made you look...-points- ALBUS! Ha, made you look...-points- POTTER! Ha, made you look...-points- TANNING BED! Ha, made you look

361. Oh, god! DO you smell that? Like rotting fish and the scent of lameness...oh...wait...

362. Mugglesayswhat?

363. YOU: you wanna play the shadow game?

HIM: no

YOU: mocking the way he says it no

Him: stop that!

You: stop that!

Him: go away brat

You: go away brat

Him: chases after you with his flat noes and wand

364. "I think that you're just pissed 'cause you're 65 and still a virgin."

365. I HATE YOU AND YOUR FLAT NOSE TOO!

364 This tattoo is on the wrong arm, can I have a refund?

365 You'll call me tomorrow, won't you?

366 Would you like to borrow my toenail clippers?

367 Does this mean we can't be friends?

368 Voldemort: Alright, I think we should vote. I vote that...

Me: Sorry, but I have to object, I dont think a seventh of a person is allowed to vote, now if you gather all the souls, we MAY tally your vote.

369. Voldemort: I have a brilliant plan that WILL succeed, and here it is! We will...

Me(interrupts: Um, excuse me, um, Dark Lord, but I have to use the little girls room??

370 voldy poo, what on earth has happened to your nose! get a nose job done, voldy!

371. Why don't they have any chocolate frog cards with you on them?

372. Tom, Voldemorts just not workin.

373 BITCH, GET ME A BEER!

374. you want a sooooda?

375 "You have really pretty eyes."

376. Mr. Voldemort, sir... I am feeling some hidden hostility through this leadership of yours... wait... I'm seeing something... A man... your father? This is a result of a childhood deprived of love and affection... with proper councel...

377 um, so you know snape sold you out right? Dumbledore is really alive.

378. Have you ever seen a grown man naked?

379. So where's the Voldy-mobile?

380. someone ordered a pizza and chicken strips?

381. "Hey, have you ever considered using a gun to kill Harry? I mean, the whole Avada Kedavra thing isn't really working, is it?"

382. With your soul ripped apart, does that effect your manhood?

383. Are you naked under that semi-see through black robe?

384. Is this what you look like permanently? …Really? Bummer…

385. Umm... ever hear of a dentist?

386. HELLO!!! This is a girls room!!

387. Lets try out for cheerleading

388. Whos your favourite care-bear??

389. I wish your parents hadnt abandoned you when you were younger. If they hadnt, they could have beaten you then.

390. Why don't you have such a cool scar?

391. Your the only man I know that got beat by a baby and is scared of an old geezer.

392. Hey sir, Ive got some snakes in my house. I was wondering if you could use that there talent of yours and come round them up for me. Help a brother out?

393. Time out. Ive got to tie my shoelace. you know I have waited years for this. The least you can do is give me a minute. Okay all done. Now where were we? Oh yes, that silly last battle thing. Heh. Shows on!

394. My daddy frigged your mommy

395. Can I have your babies?

396. Dude, seriously. Get a life.

397. Oh, Tom! Yeah, PWNED, BITCH!

398. Hey Riddle! So I went to Hogwarts like a day ago, right? And I met up wid the Boy-Who-Lived. And he was like, "Wtf? Who are you?" So I was like, "Im the minion of the Man-Who-Let-The-Boy-Live." So he was like "WTF?! Seriously? Cool." SO THEN I was like, "AVADA KEDAVRA! And he like... died."

399. I dont like my nose that much either.

400. I've always had this thing for bald men 


	9. Chapter 9

401. Harry Potter:3 Voldemort:0

402. What kind of name for yo ur followers is deatheaters? why not just call them the V-Men?

403. Who needs a HUG?

404. Im pretty sure Dobby came closer to killing Harry Potter than you ever did.

405. It's a shame you're not more like your father.

406. its no wonder harry parents loved him. i mean, at least his parents cud actually look at him without throwing up

407. yo mamma so stupid she sold her car for gas money

-though he wouldnt know what a car is and hed just kill me on the spot-

408. If yo ur the greatest wizard in the world, shouldnt you have tons of money?? then you could retire to Florida and play bingo like an old geezer and have kids ruining yo ur front lawn.

409 Hem, hem, according to Educational Decree Number 607, losers must realize when theyre just not meant to win."

410 hey, are you an albino?

411. You would look so much better in yellow spandex...it might brighten up that pale face of yours

412. dude, you really let yourself go. i mean,whats up with the red eyes? have you got conjunctivitus or something?

413. hey,i know you like snakes, but BOY have you gone too far.

414. "Let's go watch Potter Puppet Pals."

415.Voldemorts Daughter" Dad im pregnant"

Voldemort" Fantastic! wait whos the father?"

Voldemorts Daughter" Harry Potter!"

'Voldemort: Harry Potter is the father! When did this happen?'

Daugher: Why through immaculate conception of course!

Voldemort: The truth!

Daugher: Oh well I did him when you were menage-trois-ing with Snape and Hagrid

Voldemort: Humph! Well in that case you have only two options.

Daughter: What are they?

Voldemort: Turn lesbian with B Lestrange or join me in menage-quatre!'

416. 'I think you and Paris Hilton deserve each other, mate...'

417. did you see those dead people?! they just popped out of the water...like Daisies!

418. Hey, Voldy, why were you practicing for Swans Lake during that graveyard scene in GOF?

419. Voldy, what's up with your middle name? Marvolo?!! Is that dish soap or something?

420. Only 365 days to go till Potter whoops your ass!(tomorrow)Only 364 days to go.(day after tomorrow)Only 363 days to go...

421. dude, at least hitler got somewhere

422. Voldy, lets take a vacation to Hawaii. A little surf, a lot of sun and youll be a brand new person

423. -mocking whining- waaaaaa little voldy is mad because he got beat by potter agaiiin awwww pitty party on vooooolddiiiee let me go get the woe is you cupcakesss

424. Hola amgigo! here is a big sombrero to cheer you up, OLE

425. OJ Simpson managed to commit murder and he didn't even have to make it _this_ obvious!

426. Mr Voldemort sir why does no one seem to like you'

427. I know your upset with me... But lets just hug it out."

428. This assignment should be as easy as taking candy from a baby … -looks pointedly at Voldie- well, at least -some- of us can do it.

429. Dude … Voldie, are you MANorexic?

430. Are your toes WEBBED????!!!

431. Ok, get this in yo ur thick head. You get stronger, battle with Harry, die and world lives happily ever after without you. the end

432. You know its a fact that the world would be so much better without you. Your the only one who believes otherwise

433. Ah, cram it in yo ur ass . . . wait, youve had yo ur ass kicked by a fucking teenager so many times . . . do you even HAVE an ass anymore?!

434. i heard bout the death eaters battle with a bunch of kids in the ministry...cant get the staff these days can you?

435. SSSsoooo...Vold ol' boy...Im sorry. excuse me, but has anyone ever rubbed wax on yo ur head? Thats quite a lot of slimy buildup.

436. "Yeesh?! What snake crawled up your hole and died?"

437. "...are you sure you werent staring off into the sun, 'cause those eyes, Voldy...man..."

438. "Okay, so you tried to kill him, but it backfired, but now thanks to him, your alive again...and you want to kill him still, WHY!?"

439. "Hey Voldy, zip your fly..."

440. "arent you jealous of Jewish guys??? I mean, their noses are HUGE, and yours is..."

441. "You ever see that lady on tv with the nails like 12 feet long? With yours, you might be her brother."

442. "I bet it sucks to be your girlfriend, cause if she ever looked up yo ur nose, she might see that puny thing you call a brain..."

443. "You got killed by a kid when he was only 1, and now you want to try to kill him when he's like 16??? Damn, you are as dumb as you look..."

444. "you know Voldemort, if yo ur dick was half the size of yo ur wand, I bet youd b a lot less tempermental."

445. Maybe you need a pet. lets get you a goldfish..low maintainance...ooo how bout a dog, that way it can beep on yo ur face at my will

446. hey would you like to join the happy potter fan club?

447. so do you ever need to use kleenex?

448. is not being able to kill babies a problem with you?

449. are you gay?

450 you were once really hot what happened?


	10. Chapter 10

451. harry's more famous then you are!

452. Are you and Marilyn Manson related?? Brothers?? sisters?? Aaaahh… I see the resemblance

453. your momma's so ugly she could transfigure her face and no one would know the difference!

454. you know what they say, 'When something's not done right, youve gotta do it yourself!'... but in your case, it's the other way around."

455. "And you let Bellatrix pick the costumes? Someone got laiiidddd."

456. "Eh, Voldy old boy! you know world conquering isnt possible, right? I mean... look at Alexander. Napolean. Hitler. Nothing good ever came. Well, that Alexander was pretty handsome. At least he had somethin going for him."

457. Hey! Dark Lord, Sir! Look at meee! sings Just beat it! Beat it! Just beat it! Darklord got defeated! (Defeated!) stops Is something wrong yo ur Lordship? drops dead..."

458. is it true that no sex causes bad eyes, or can you see just fine?? or maybe its just too much viagra.

459. Male-pattern baldness starts around late 30's in most men. When did yours start?? 18?!?!?

460. it takes a real man to not kill a baby

461. Only real men wear pink

462. I wonder what a nose ring would look like on you?

463 Get a REAL hobby.

464. can you say"I M eff in we todd ded" Really fast?

465. "Let's play with some puppets. Here, this one is Harry Potter and yours can be Voldemort... Okay, now I'm going to beat you and yo ur going to get mad."

466.nice weather were having today

467.Your mamma so dumb, she carjacked a car and kept up the payments.

468.Yo mamma

469.What's your name on myspace??

470.Red is so not your colour

471.I heard you got owned by optimus prime

472.I wanna tie you to a chair naked and burn you with lit cigarettes

473.ok today we'll learn how to make a voldemort  
Step 1: Stick ugly fetus of dark lord in cauldron  
Step 2: Add a cup of muggle daddy's bones  
Step 3: One drop of blood of a baby who beat you when he was one year old!!  
simmer at low heat in snake venom/unicorn blood cauldron for 30-45 minutes, and then take off heat, and just look, a dark lord!!!!

474.All that cocaine is no good for your nose."

475."Have you got Conjunctivitis? You poor thing."

476.its like taking candy from a baby but it your case it would be very hard

477.hey! remember when you could kill anybody??...ya, me either

478.I could take you on biotch

479.Umm, sir, remember all those horcruxes you used to have?"  
480. "Ahomosayswhat?"  
481. "Oh my god! It's Harry Potter!" After turns to look, "Monkeys always lo-ok!"  
482. "Everyone in the room who's not a douche touch your nose!"  
483. Or as Groucho Marx once said "I never forget a face, but in your case I'll gladly make an exception."

484.so that thing...on your face...thats your _nose?_ but...but...how do you _pick_ it??

485.Me: "A meglomaniac says what?"  
Voldy: "What?"  
Me: "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! -points at him-

486.i'm sorry sir we have a dress code, and a nose code

487.me: voldemort has no nose!  
dad:well, how does he smell?  
me: TERRIBLE!!!!! oh hi voldy!

488.So how are you, moldyshorts? uh-huh and your dirt eaters?

489.Would you lie fries with that??

490.Who ever thought a little girl like you could destroy my beautiful wickedness?

491.hey…do you smell that?? Oh…maybe not

492.Red eyes? There's a Visine for that! hands him a bottle of Visine

493.Hello I'm Chris Hanson from 'Dateline'. And we are doing a piece on how men try to met up with underage children in real life from the internet. I have some explicit messages in which you plan to "kill" a 17yr. old boy who happens to be a wizard. Did you send this picture of yourself over the net to him? Care to explain why you showed up here? Were you planning to have sex with him before you kill him? By the way, this will be put on the air...

494.'Excuse me, Mdm.'

495.TOMORROW! TOMORROW! I love ya tomorrow you're only a DAAAAAAY AAAAAA WAAAAY!

yes hello michael jackson called he sed he will return your nose only its a bit decayed, but by the looks of you it wouldn't look out of place. so how do you want it sent back??

496. miss, excuse me miss?

497. "Halloween is over, dude. Take off that mask. youve been giving me nightmares."

498. You gave Dumbledore a blow job and we all know it

499. OMG. Do you have yo ur inhaler?! are you OK?! What?... What? That's how you actually breathe? Oh my - hahahahaa, you should really see someone about that.

500. Your name should be Visa because your everywhere I want to be.


	11. Chapter 11

**Submitted by _tickledorange:_**

Voldie: i did it! i finally killed harry potter!  
You: And you have been Punk'd! Get up harry. Man, voldie, you should have seen that look on your face. Priceless!  
Voldie: is ashton at least here?  
You: no, he's on vacation, so we got dumbledore instead...

* * *

501. Me: "So a sociopath walks into a pub, right...

502. Before you kill me could I make a call? I need to tell Joe to return the DVDs to Block Buster.

503. Voldy, hold on a second dude, I have to fix my hair.

504. Hey Voldy, i got you an appointment at the HAIR CLUB for Men

505. Hey, Voldy! Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me? Oh, it IS a wand, and you're not happy about something!"

506. God doesn't like ugly & ignorant but for you he made a BIG exception

507. oh, what is that unpleasant aroma? I'm afraid the sewer must of backed up during the night..."

508. WEll voldi-poe is THAT points to his cross a WOOODIE??

509. HELL YEAH!!!

510. Dude pass it on! …oh! my bad I thought you were smokin some pod

511. No one ever told you something was wrong??

512. What a great idea!! We'll play Blues Clues! Lets sing the song! Blue's Clues Blue's Clues

513. I'm Greg, I'm Anthony, I'm Murray, I'm Jeff, and we're the Wiggles!!

514. Let's go hug some muggles!

515. No thanks. No seriously I dont want a tattoo like that. Can you do something in the shape of a flower? Like a rose or sumthing? I said I dont want a skull wth a snake! I am not being stubborn, thats not my style.

516. How dare you look at me like that? Well, I suppose I can forgive you since your only facial expression is anger... followed by more anger.

517. Can I go now? My parents expect me home any minute.

518. Hahaha, you and your evil plans. They make me laugh so much. Sorry to interrupt this Death Eater meeting, but seriously Voldemort, you should be a stand up comic.

519. Hagrid should lend you some of his hair...you really need it.

520. Voldemort, I don't like that name for you. I think I'll call you Princess Pony.

521. your Lordness, I have something very important to tell you...no it's not about that Potter kid...I'm cheating on you with Wormtail

522. Stop it with these angry tantrums already, youre hurting Harrys head...oh just get a grip

523. look theres Voldemort! lets go bother him! bother bother bother bother...

524. This is my personal space...and you're invading it!!

525. You call that a face? PSH I've seen better faces on a watch.

526. you both have literally no nose and a tendency to stalk little boys... and youer saying you have nothing in common with Micheal Jackson?!

527. Voldemort: BRING ME THE PROPHECY!

Me: Do you want fries with that?

528. Do you buff your head?

529. Shame on you! Helping Bella cheat on her husband.

530. I took the liberty of painting rainbows on your wall AND making you your OWN tie-dye shirt! I used flamingo pink!

531 Me: "voldemort! voldemort! i have good news!"

Voldemort: "what is it? did you get the prophecy?"

Me: "NO! even better! (opens laptop)..." "Things you would never say toVoldemort' is the most popular story on _**jackskellingtonspumpkinqueen**_'s page! look at all the insults! isn't it great?!

532. why do you always have to wear black? you should spice it up a little. Red would really bring out your eyes. Either that or pink...Now Choose!

533. Mr. Voldemort? I represent the land of Mordor. Im afraid I must inform you that uyor being sued by Sauron for the use of the title of "Dark Lord".

534. Hey! You look like a Roll-on!

535. your Evilness, sir? Um...the devil wantsto speak with you. He says youre so dark and twisted and evil, that you could be his successor

536. Voldy: Excuse me I have to go to the bathroom

Holy cow!! -his pants drop- Youre a tranvestite!!

537. Your toes look like peanuts!!

538. My Dark Lord sir, Pocohontas is willing to share some of her hair with you.

539. Dude, take a hint from Darth Vadar, get a mask

540. You don't have much luck with ladies looking like that, now do you?

541. I recently read a self help book by Dr. Phil and I believe some of your major issues are linked to not havin a healthy relationship with your father. Lets do a role play activity where I play the part of your father, and you can say everything you have ever wanted to say to him. I believe we could really break down some of those emotional barriers you have

542. "is it in yet??

543. me as policeman: sir, stand still, strech your arms out to the side and with your index finger on your right hand touch your nose..oh we better make that your chin

544. mr rogers will totally kick your ass

545. do you feel lucky? well do you? punk

546. So... Tell me... What was the name of the guy who did your nosejob?

547. are you trying to be like Nicole Richie? Go out and get a tan. Because trust me, Nicole looks a million times better than you... and thats saying something

548. Hey!!Ralph Fiennes! I am like your biggest fan!! I mean in Schindler's list, that was like AMAZING, and then...

549. I named my pet mouse Voldemort for you, but I named my pet cat Harry.

550. (in that voice you use for babies) Who's my little Voldemort? Who's my little evil lord? YOU ARE!! Yes you are, oh yes you are! Peek a boo! Peek a boo who's that boy?!


	12. Chapter 12

551. So wait a sec, yo ure telling me that you only have -what- 10 followers, and then they ALL ignored you for _14_ years, and you didn't even Crucio 'em. and to think, people say yo ur evil. Youre losing your edge Voldy

552. you seriously need to get laid...but of course I dont want to know whats going on in yo ur pants.

553. Happy Valentines darling!

554. Excuth me thir. Pleath. I need help with my listhp. I want to be able to thay incantathionths, but they don't work. EXTHPELLIARMUTH!! You thee? I'll sthow you again to make thure you believe me. Avada Kedavra ... oops ... i forgot my listhp doethn't effect that thpell ...

555. So ... um ... is um ... is Bella a goer eh? Knowwhatimean? Nudge Nudge Wink Wink Saynomore? i BET she is ...

556. Voldemort are you by any chance friends with Darth Vader? Cause yo ur both ugly, disfigured, evil, unpopular and hate your parents

557. So, your idol is Hilary Duff?

558. Oooh I have this red dress that would look great on you! It would really bring out your eyes!

559. Whats your favourite Disney cartoon?

560. What do you think of Tony Blair/George Bush?

561. Don't you think the 'Evil, racist, maniac trying-to-take-over-the-world is getting' just a liiiittle bit old?

562. Sup mah homie wass goin down in da hooood?

563. Hey, you know this thing you have against Harry Potter? Well, it kinda seems like your jealous of him to me. Maybe you should try and make friends with him?

564. Çongratulations on being voted #1 on the 100 Worst Dressed Ugly Villians List!

565. How many times has that little kid beaten you now? i lost count

566. I think it's time you got braces

567. Do you wear make up. ?

568. Do you wear women's clothes??

569. If your not down with that we got two words for ya. Suck it.

570. Did your mother have sex with a snake?

571. Are you really a vampire?

572. Do you like chocolate covered cherries?

573. Would you kiss a toad?

574. Have you ever been in space?

575. Are you deeply in love with Dumbledore?

576. Who is your favorite Backstreet Boy?

578. Have you ever sniffed a dog's butt?

579. Do you like country music?

580. You look like Michael Jackson's twin.

581. Do you know the Muffin Man?

582. Don't forget to wear protection when you have sex with ogres!

583. Can You give me Harry Potter's autograph?

584. Weren't you the guy voted "Most likely to fail world domination" in the high school personalities?

585. "You better know yourself before you speak to me!"

586. Don't pick your nose, your face will cave in!

587. Have you ever laughed while drinking fizzy and the cola came out your nose?

588. 3 words : Milky Bar Kid

589. Do you call yourself "You Know Who"?

590. You Have a face only a mother could love... but didn't.

591. If you were a pirate, would you have your parrot on this shoulder or this shoulder?

592. Are your legs tired? Because you've been running through my mind.

593. Have you thought about retiring? I mean the whole 'I'm bad' thing is getting a LITTLE old considering your age.

594. Um...hi. Could you like introduce me to Harry? I totally have a crush on him and I hear you guys share a mind sometimes.

595. Can I have a piece of your hair? I was going to put in my Polyjuice Potion because I wanted to be you for Halloween. Oh, wait. I see a problem.

596. A DE in the Graveyard scene at the end of GoF

Gross dude. You totally need a toothbrush. It smells like you haven't brushed your teeth in like 13 years!

597. Hello. I have an appointment with, um check a piece of paper Lord Voldemart. Sorry, I don't know how to pronounce it.

598. want to meet my mongoose?

Avada Kadavra

hey, what have you got against mongeese?

599. Your mother was a whore!

600. For dry red eyes, use Clear Eyes.


	13. Chapter 13

601. Man, you have a face for radio

602. "So failed to kill any babies lately?"

603. Can I be a death eater??

604: OMIGOSH, It's Orochimaru!"  
605: Were you wearing a wig all this time?"

606. Whenever you see him, bust out in Christina Aguilera's Ain't No other Man and claim that you were singing it for Harry Potter mintues earlier...

607. Sir you're going to have a disease named after you called "Voldermortis"  
The effects of it are: You lose your nose, get really pale, you cant get over things that happened 16 years ago, you hate fat kids with spiders, and you get beaten up by babies.  
608. Lets see you take on Potter without a wand Voldy. He'd kick your ass

609. can...can I touch your snake?  
610. So he carries a big snake around with him. Whats he covering up?

611. Swallow or spit??  
612. So who's the snake? You're girlfriend? I see you two have already invented a secret language only you two can figure out  
613. Are you mad at Dumbledore because he can grow a beard and you're bald

614. "Smoking or non smoking?"

615. Ewwwww...you're...NAKED!??!

616. Hmm, so thats what a penis looks like. Not impressive

617. hey, baby wanna watch the Harry Potter movies with me tonight?

618. Do you do that sesame street thing? You know, where I pinch your nose and you squeak.

619. oh! you and me MUST be related! cuz I'M related to Michle Jackson...

620. So, if you're not related to Michael Jackson, are you related to Joan Rivers? With a look like yours, you MUST be!

621. You should like, take some vitamins

622. I'd...prefer cash

623. Leave the boy alone. You'll probably die in the end anyways.

624. I want a Mc chicken Sandwich with large fries and...  
625. Why do you care so much, he kicked your ass 16 years ago, but now live and let live  
626. Kiss My chuddies!!

627. "ooooooooh, SOMEBODY got up in the wrong end of the dark side this morning"  
628. wudn't it be funny if dumbledore was your dad??!"  
629. WAT U MEAN U STOPPED WATCHING NEIGHBOURS!!!!"  
630. Are you going for a "marilyn-manson-look"??"  
631. Just because james got to lily first DOES NOT MEAN U CAN BLOW THEM UP!!!"  
632. You should've gone to spec-savers..."  
633. You are never gona make friends if u keep threatenin them!!"  
634. u do know in book 7 ur gona die rite??"  
635. Wats wit the whole "Lord Voldemort" look??i mean it does NUFFIN for ur complexion!!"

636. kiss my shiny metal ass lord stinky mort  
637. hey yeah you you the one that looks like a cross between a snake and a bat go suck an egg!  
638. i will kick your ass!  
639. hahahahaha you know you couldn't even kill dumbledore  
640. oh go back to your cauldron

641. Go back to your knitting

642. I know where the last horcrux is and you don't nananananana

643. -pat him on the shoulder- You're the nicest guy in the world, Tom...  
644. -wipes eyes, touches him on the shoulder- Thanks for helping me in my time of need...

645. Dude are you Gay?  
646. Gawd... You have got to tell me who does your hair!  
647. Does this mean you wont get that surgery done?  
648. Ohhh, so THATS why Wormtail walks funny... and why your wand smells bad!  
649. Why didn't you try out for Chippendales? You could have made it.

650. oooo...thats why youre an orphan? 


	14. Chapter 14

**Submitted by _owlfactory:_**

**_1. _**So welcome to queer eye for the straight guy and WOW do we have some work to do one YOU Mr Dark Lord..."

-cue maniacal gay laughter--Voldy looks confused-

* * *

651. You Sparkle!  
652. you should consider acting!  
653. I like the color red...and I ALSO like your eyes!

654. one day a bat a snake and a whole lot of cheese got together, then you were born!!!

655. Those clothes don't look good on you, it's either a dress or nothing, I happen to have no dress in my cabin.

656. Harry and Voldemort are in a struggle when i come in and Harry says:  
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!? Wheres GINNY?!  
Me: She's safe, just like i promised. And she's respecting your wishes, and splitting up with you, just like she promised... you get to avenge Dumbledore, just like you promised, and Voldemort gets to now kill two instead of one, just like he wanted. So we're all men of our word really... except for Voldemort who is infact a... except for Voldemort.

657. Riddle me this..."  
658: So, what's it like being a wanker?"  
659. How many times do I have to tell you? No more Telletubbies!" snatches remote  
660. So...Sauron-I mean, White Witch-I mean, Voldypoo..."  
661. And how does that make you feel?" (notepad and pen ready)  
662. You keep on bringing up your father...do you think maybe he's not the problem?"  
663. A baby, a mom, and a dark lord walk into a bar..."  
664. How many dark lords does it take to screw in a light bulb?"  
665. I fart in your general direction."  
666. Oh! Let's play dress up!"

667. Oh yeah by the way, you die at the end of the series...burn!"  
668. Babies killed-0, Plots to kill that baby when he is all grown up and failed-6

669. Look behind you there's Harry Potter, HA made you look.  
670. You're not a pure blood.

671. Salazar Slytherin SUCKS!!  
672. Sucks to be you.  
673. I Love You!  
674. Are you related to the dementors?  
675. You win some, you lose some.  
676. You're the weakest of the weak.

677. You are the weakest link, Goodbye

678. Voldy: I could not touch you but I can touch you now...leans in to touch Harry on head  
Harry: ARRRRRR...  
Vody: Mwahahahaha... leans in further to touch head  
Harry: smacks Voldy over the head repeativley BOP! BOP! BOP! BOP! BOP! BOP! BOP!...

679. yer sorry mate, it turns out after all these years horcrux actually is a latin spell for gender transformation...so uh...oops

680. Is that your wand or are you just happy to see me…

681. Can't touch this! (dun dun nu nu, dun nu, du nu) Can't touch this!  
682. It's just like magic!

683. Me: So uh whats your favorite color?  
Voldie: ...Magenta  
Me: Oh...wow...uh...it uh sure brings out your eyes.  
Voldie: blushes why thank you...I've been wanting Harry to notice for ages but he's always distracted by the fact i'm trying to kill him.  
Me: ...  
Voldie: Severus's the only one to have noticed, but after that one night in hogsmeade, with the firewhisky shots...he's never been the same with me...sometimes i still hold the fuzzy handcuffs...drifts off into reverie

684. Do you have any Midol? Oh, it's you Voldemort?! Nevermind...  
685. Hi, you look nice. Wanna chat?  
686. I have an extra ballet ticket, you wanna come?  
687. So, what's your take on the Iraq war?

688. I like chocolate milk."

689. um... the snow white complexion is SOOOOOOOOOO last season... now everyone goes for tanned honey skin.  
690. yo man get a LIFE! stop picking on kids... try watching spongebob squarepants, i think this is more effective than seeing Dr. Phil  
691 i can see LOTS of similarities between you and mr micheal jackson. both of you have this... um... extraordinary nose, and you guys seem to have a thing to kids... are you sure micheal isn't your long lost brother or something???  
692. um Darth Vader wannabe, Halloween is like 1 month later... maybe you could just put away your costumes for a while. i will sure remind you to put them back on 31st october. maybe we could go trick-or-treat together!!! and (wink and nudge) LOTS OF K-I-D-S will be there

693. Really... all you gave him was that little scar... you have got to be kidding me. Oh but you can make it hurt when you are nearby, well that's not all that bad

694. Where is ur girlfriend??

695. Who's your daddy!?!?!

696. So...I'm guessing the mail in plastic sugery kit didnt work that well for ya, huh?  
697. Now why dont you ever send that nice Potter kid a card or something? It only takes a little effort to let people know that you care...  
698. You know, colored contacts might just be your new best friend...  
699. Did you win the law suit against your barber?  
700. So i hear you got sisters BOW CHICKA who are twins BOW WOW


	15. Chapter 15

701. Are you bald all over? wink wink  
702. Your head is smoother that a baby's butt. Can I rub it for luck?  
703. A little Rogain for men works wonders uncle Voldie.

704. Your mama was so ugly that a muggle wouldn't even love her.  
705. So is there a mrs. voldemort?  
706. I like snakes to, they taste like chicken.  
707. Gosh. . . Somebody has a major inferiority complex!  
708. You should fire your plastic surgen!  
709. A little penicillan should clear that right up.  
710. Are you gay? Sorry, dumb question  
711. Can I have your autograph?  
712. Take the Pepsi challenge? (holding a can of Coke in one hand, Pepsi in the other)

713. You don't deserve a cookie!

714. What happen to your Hair?  
715. Why are you covered in baby powder, OH! it's your skin. Oops

716. can't you get yo ur death-eaters into kinkier outfits?

717. 'So...how's it feel to find out that Snivellus did what you couldn't?'  
718. Crikey! Let's take a look at this Lord Voldemort thing! Ugly bugger, innit? It may not look like much, but it's an apex predator, unless you've got a baby around. Poor fella's not lookin' so good. I'm gonna stick this therometer up his bum and take his temperature. Yikes! He didn't like that! He's levelling his wand at me now...what's that he's saying? Avada

719. 'Dude, you got robbed with this whole 'return' thing. At least Emperor Palpatine got to keep his nose!'

720. Voldemort...voldemort...nope, never heard of ya, sorry. Now could you just step to the side and let the other people past

721. OMG!!! You know Harry Potter?!?!? I LOVE that guy!

722. Hey voldy what's going on...how your wife Nagini these days...what? still shedding her skin!?"  
723. "Voldermort!? is that some kinda natural drug for an erection...i'm sorry that's your name!?"  
724. "Hey voldy, I got bad news...You got owned by that harry potter kid...but don't worry I got a secret to tell you...I just saved 50 by switching over to Gringot's bank isn't that nice?"  
725. Hey I got a "Riddle" for you...what's orange and hot and gives flowers energy...the sun...yeah its something you need right now voldy...riddle whatever your name is!"  
726. "dude, weren't you on that show He-Man...YeAAAAHHH Skeletor!!? no, oh my bad!"  
727. "Yo, smegol called he said something about you taking his "one ring" from him oh im sorry..you two must be related"

728. how would you like to be the next host of "Tales from the Cript"?

729. See that thing you're holding... it's called a wand... you point it at stuff and say a lot of mumbo jumbo and hey presto... lots of lovely colours!

730. Was that yo' pappy in "Deliverance"?  
731. I want to rub your bald head in oil and rub it all over my body...  
732. I cut off your Baslisk's head and raped its woman while its blood was still warm!  
733. What were you thinking cutting off your nose!? Go an give that stinky a$$ rat ba$tard a bath 'cause the rest of us aint gonna do it your way

734. I've heard it's good luck to rub a bald man's head.

735. And you my friend have the maturity level of a blueberry scone

736. Listen, Voldy, we're buddies and all, and I'm looking forward to pickin' up some ladies with you tonight...but call your buddy Michael and ask if you can borrow one of his noses...I mean, you're gonna play cockblock for me with that nose, and that's pretty bad.  
737. Voldemort: 'Avada K-'  
Me: Shut up, man. SHOOTS HIM WITH A MAGNUM

738. you're feet smell

739. hey voldy seen harry lately?? well i have and frankly i say he can kick your scaly a$$ back to the house you came out of! what now voldy, you wanna avada kedavra me?

740. my scar burns for you.

741. How low can yeah go? Let's do the limbo!  
742. you man whore! You just couldn't keep it in your pants, could yeah?!

743. me: sooooooo Voldy...Wanna play truth or dare ? Don't you? Come on, pick !  
Voldemort: ok , Dare.  
me: ...hum..let's see...ok . Tell in front of your death eaters that you love the Potter boy as much as your own son and give him a hug.

744. Thats a nice outfit. Your mother make it for you.??

745. You've been beaten multiple times by a boy, first as a baby, who is young enough to be your grandson, THEN you send out a little wuss of a boy to kill the 150 year old man you were afraid of, only to have him killed by a man young enough to be your son - and you just expect me to roll over?! Did a section of your brain get taken away with each part of your soul or are you just that egotistic?  
746. You know, no one is gonna want to date you after this - although, I guess by this stage you have got nothing to lose...  
747. Yo mamma's SO ugly she had to bewitch a MUGGLE just to get some aluvin!  
748. Eww - next?  
749. You know Ralph Fiennes may have gained sex appeal with the loss of his nose - but it doesn't really work for you...  
750. Now that is just NASTAY! 


	16. Chapter 16

751. You know I thought you were attractive when I read about you at age 16...then even as a young adult - I fell for the description of you in the pensieve when you went to apply for the DA job way WAY back - but this is NOT what I bargained for  
752. My precious...  
753. I'm here to see the most beloved, cunning, dark wizard of all time; the one person Harry Potter hates more than anyone else and who has past negative experiences with muggles and wizards alike, causing him to turn towards the dark and the evil! Now will SOMEONE move this tall, ugly looking THING from my view so that I can find SEVERUS SNAPE!!!!

754. Ohh, I love your eyes!! Can I touch them? Please, pretty please with a cherry on top?!  
755. So.. How are things with Lucius? I read that he killed his wife to be with you. Oh, you didn't know? Hmm you never reads fanfiction then?

756. So...How long do you think til Harry Potter kills you?

757. (Voldemort standing there naked) -me pointing between his legs and laughing hysterically- "HAHAHA I bet you have a massive car to make up for that Chippolata!!

758. Poor little Voldy Woldy, could someone do with a great big huggy wuggy?

759. How ya doing, Baldemort?  
760. -rolls dice- AWESOME! Snake eyes  
761. Um...dude, you're blue. You need to get more sun.  
762. Here! Have some Rogaine  
763. I can see the moon...oops, sorry, that's just the reflection off your head  
764. Voldemort! You ARE the father  
765. Merry Christmas! It's called a nose hair clip...oh...you don't have a nose, hahaha  
766. What are you doing nosing around?  
767. -In a gay, high pitched voice- Those robes make you look fabulous!

768. Voldemort: Now, your turn...Truth or dare?  
Me: hum...Dare.  
Voldemort: Avada Kedavra!

769. Who do you support? Cos you know if you support United I'll have to kill you.

770. Oh, you must be an angel!!  
771. You saved my life, how will I ever repay you?  
772. You bloody gryffindor!!  
773. Gawd you're soo sweet and cute!  
774. Can I do your hair? Oh wait, you're bald..  
775. Please kill me, end my suffering now!  
776. How will I ever live without your love?  
777. Well, that's about it.. You know IT? That thing? The thing you have with you always? Oh, give me a break! Don't you even remember you own rubber duck, Pookie?

778. Me: Where's your nose?????  
(Voldermort looks livid)  
ME: Don't get mad, I'm just saying

779. When they invented plastic surgery, they intended on you being the first patient...  
780. Ralph Fiennes could so kick your ass.  
781. Why is it that we hear so much about your amazing powers, yet we've never seen you kill someone? You didn't kill Cedric, Peter did, and he's a gigantic pussy!

782. -shows him the Potter Puppet Pal cartoon where Voldy's killed- See? This is why guns are bad. -lectures him on the dangers of guns and curses-

783. Hey, Tom! What's up in the 'hood yo?

784. Hey lookie a brush for your birthday...wait I forgot like Harry Potter when you lose something you become obsessed with it.

785. My, aren't you pretty today!  
786. Can I hear your side of the story?  
787. Has your eyes always been gryffindor red?  
788. Hi Tom, heard anything from your father yet?  
789. You were the promqueen?!  
790. Ever tried plastic surgery? No? Well you should, it might do you some good..  
791. You know, power is not only about being evil.. It's about the looks too. And you don't got the look. Sure you're scary and all but where is the fire?

792. So voldy, you and wormtail are a couple...right?

793. You sent the Malfoy kid to kill Dumbledore because you didn't have the guts to do it yourself, didn't you?

794. You know it's not halloween yet, right?  
795. Hey voldy-shorts, you know you look like a dirty wrinkled, washed-out snake?  
796. Soo, gotten any lately?

797. You really need to find yourself a woman, mate.

798. So, how do you feel about all this? Does it make you angry? If it does, you should sing "I feel pretty".

799. OH. MY. GOD! I JUST LOVE THE ROBE! You got it at that new store right?! OH! Your gonna HAVE to lend it to me!

800. You disgusting half-blood filth.


	17. Chapter 17

**Submitted by _Looney Luna The Emo Prep:_**

1. Dude your hips don't lie! they say you look like crap!

2. -sings- If you were gay  
that'd be ok  
cause I mean hey  
I'd like you anyway

3. Hello kitty could beat you up!  
4. Do you like Green Day or MCR?  
5. Dude America could kick Englands ASS!

6. Have I seen you somewhere...oh yeah you work at WalMart!

* * *

801. Is it just me or were you possessed by an anal dwelling butt monkey when you were a boy.  
802. You know what Lord V, or whatever they call you, i dont think that the avada kedavra spell really works.  
803. crikey look out yonder tis a big one over ther...hahahaha made you look hahaha thats funny hahahaha your as gullible as...hey you dropped your pocket (he looks down as if to check), hahaha got you again... man if you were any dumber you'd be an ancient ancestor of a rock.  
804. (After he just got done killing someone as you watched) WooooooW, now that was cool...bet you couldn't do that 2 times in a row.  
805. Boy, V-dog its your lucky day. i just found you a quarter to go buy a book on how to find another quarter.  
806. (Before he is about to kill you) WAIT, My flys unzipped (you zip it up), ok im ready.

807. So, those world-saving boy-wizards, huh? Know any?  
808. ...If you have no nose, what happens when you sneeze?  
809. Black is so your colour!  
810. Death Eaters...is that a band?  
811. Lord Voldemort? Most powerful wizard in half a century? Never heard of you!  
812. Are you gothic?  
813. Dude, you're half wizard, half muggle, it's not the big a deal. What are you, five?  
814. The day is mine, Trebek! Wait...you're not Trebek...what did you say your name was?

815. Victory is mine!!

816. Have you been able to look in a mirror lately? I'm just wondering because I think your spell worked a little TOO well.

817. I think I know why everyone are afraid of you.. You're bloody ugly! No wonder your mother died after giving birth to you, oh wait.. You weren't ugly then? Oops, sorry..

818. hey voldy, you've got something on your...whats the word? Face I suppose.

819. Vold"amour" ... I...I think Im in love with you honey !!

820. So...Voldemort. Who do you think is the most evil-You, Sauron, or Bush?  
821. V would definitely not stand for this crap you are giving everyone.  
822. Your mom died, no relationship with Daddy-O, no friends, grew up in an orphanage, and I'm guessing you never got laid. I feel for you. Wanna do some group counseling?  
823. Voldemort, Evil never wins. Good ALWAYS wins. Refer to every fantasy ever written.  
824. You get called Voldy for short! Haha!  
825. Really?! Seasons of Love is my favorite song too!

826. When they were handing out names, you were caught in traffic weren't you.  
827. Hey, you should really listen to this amazing song by this band Unto Ashes. It's called Don't Fear the Reaper.  
828. You're not the greatest sorcerer in the world! You can't even kill a baby!  
829. Man, you are one ugly f----er.

830. Phooey! Ever heard of TOOTHPASTE? MOUTH WASH?? TIC-TAC?? Winterfresh??

831. OMG Mr. Riddle! I love your work. You were AWEsome in snakes on a plane.

832. here have a drink you look dead  
833. do you think you look like a kinky skinny snowman?

834. do you like hermione's eyebrows?  
835. where is your sense of dignity young man?!  
836. is it true you slept with dumbledore before he died and you are having his children?

837. i'd hand him 50 cents and be like: "Give this to your mother. its for last night"

838. Now this is for a million galleons, all you have to do is outrun the lion. Are you ready?? GO!!!

839. voldy, I'm gonna go out on a limb here, your fav movie, Snakes on a Plane?

840. Well, don't you look absolutely hideous, repulsive and just plainly dreadful.

841. You looked better on myspace.

842. Voldy's birthday: Present in box: Turtle wax. Me: I'm sorry, it was on sale.

843. Didn't you cry when the Titanic sank??  
844. Anyone want to play pool?  
845. Did you happen to steal MJ's nose by any chance? I don't like it, give it back.  
846. I heard that getting hot headed too much causes baldness, you should learn to control your temper.  
847. My mommy told me not to talk to strangers.  
848. See, I have this thing, it's called Voldermortaphobia, and it's highly dangerous so I'm just going to go now.  
849. Beautician: Shall we start with a face lift? (Looks at Voldy) Oh, uh, It looks like you've already had a few. Uh honey, I think you need a new doctor

850. At a halloween party. Announcer: And the winner is for best costume...Voldemort!


	18. Chapter 18

851. (Two women standing on the street checking out guys)

Woman1: He's cute, so is he.

Woman2: Ew, definitely not him.  
852. Bellatrix: If you don't get a wig soon, then it's over. I cannot stand another day looking at myself in the back of your head when I wake up.  
853. Swim instructor: Come on! You'd make a killer torpedo in the water!  
854. I'm just a sweet transvestite.  
856. Don't you think you're over compensating for something by having that big snake around?  
857. I think you went a little heavy on the sunblock this time. Try something without any SPF.  
858. WalMart employee: Um, sun tan lotion, Isle five, right next to the sun block and shampoo.  
859. Sees how pale he is, "Uh so you don't get out much, do you?"  
860. Mommy, there's a ghost under my bed, and he says that we're going to play a game.

861. Poor guy, doesn't know that the whole 'taking over the world' thing is getting old, and so is he from the looks of it!  
862. Woah, you should sue your plastic surgeon!  
863. -runs up and hugs Voldemort- You're so ... so BONY! For goodness sake, here's 2 quid and go and get yourself a Happy Meal!

864. Im so cuddly, I love you  
865. –singing- 'What's that coming over the hill, is it a monster, is a monster!'.

866. If you strike me down I shall become more powerful that you can possibly imagine.

867. 'I can't believe your single didn't make it to #1 and were held back by the new Crazy Frog single'

868. Hey voldy whats shaking??

869. Get some Rhinoplasty, for Pete's sake!

870. So, soon Halloween.. How many years has it been since you started to try to kill Harry Potter?  
871. Oh, you are the one that's been trying to kill Potter, right? Well I know a Potter but that's a girl and I can't find a Harry Potter in the phonebook. So who are you trying to impress?  
872. -In a sing-song voice- I know something you don't, I know something you don't.. Oh, wait.. It's gone.. –Silence- Nope, back again. I know something you don't, I know something you don't.. Wait, 'kay. It's gone.  
873. Oh no you don't. Don't you go all glowy-sparkly-shining eyes on me, mister!

874. Your like the Cheshire cat in Alice in Wonderland…cause im getting lost in your eyes

875. I have 8 horcruxes...take that, Voldy!

876. they make a cream for that

877. do u buy your clothes from a curtain shop??

878. would you like to feel my broken wand

879. Michael Jackson called, he said stop ripping on his look!

880. wooooah, how much are you paying your plastic surgeon?...because i'd want my money back if i were you

881. Yo, Voldy! Still think you're a pure-blood? How about a book called "a new way to look at yourself"?

882. HAHAHAHA Snakeface!

883. euw, u smell like bigfoots dick!

884. Voldy, u have as much talent as a potato!

885. Soo, decided to go emo? Or at least trying, eh?

886. You looked a whole lot better before the Horcruxes! At this point,I don't think you'll ever get laid!

887. But Voldy...um...don't you think it's like...wrong to kill people

888. Have you ever heard of tanning?

889. You and Wormtail...you're just friends...right? I mean...the way you touched him in GoF. I just became a bit suspicious that's all.

890. How does it feel to know that everyone thinks Snape's hotter than you?

891. Arrgh, would you just die!

892. I wish I could quit you

893. I'm Rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you!

894. "Come on, Voldy...we all know that deep down your original mission in life was to become a drag queen..."  
895. "Don't worry...I know all about the "real" relationship you have with Wormtail. Your secret's safe with me..."  
896. Why can't you bug Seamus for once or something? Give Harry a break..."

897. Come on Voldy, we all know that your a guy who is very sensative underneath all that anger.

898. so how long were you with midnight oil??

899. Why don't _you_ have a cool scar?"  
900. "It's like taking candy from a baby. Wait, can we put someone else on that job?"


	19. Chapter 19

**Submitted by _RowlingRulesExtreme_:**

1). Have you ever met HannibalLector. And I mean the teenage one- the tall sexy french boy who makes a living off a murding and gets the job done while looking incredibly sexy.  
2). You should get some lessons from me and TeenHannibal. Its way cooler to cut people up slowly while they are still partially alive. Your lettin off to easy with that quickCurse thing.  
3). I mean you let HP off. WHEN HE WAS A BABY!  
4). He got off becuase his mother loved him. Just cuz you have family issues doesn't mean you should take it out on an innocent baby boy. Not that you took him out or anything.  
5). I heard you were good looking when you were young. TEENHANNIBAL IS HOTTER THAN YOU! He's actually good at being a villian! And he makes it look good too!  
6) I heard you were handsome when you were young. Do you like that song?  
7) Whats wrong with you? aside from being a bitch, a pyscho path and a pedophile?  
8) I don't give beep keep lookin at my beep cuz it don't thing if you lookin at my beep. I'ma do my thing while you playing with your- oh wait, I forgot.

* * *

901. I'm sorry, have you seen my muggle-parents anywhere?"  
902. "Do you know Albus Dumbledore? He's a good friend of mine! Very nice man!"

903. Gee...um...I'm sorry dude but get a freaking nose already!!

904. Oh wow Voldy, you wand matches your eyes perfectly!

905. YOU:(After you kill Harry Potter) That was easy...

906. Get back on your leash, hoe.

907. You were prettier in the movie...

908. I'd bitchslap Voldemort.

909. I'd tap that

910. Got Milk?"  
911. Hmmm, unhealthy obsession with a young boy and you wear robes... you're not a priest are you?" (Sorry - couldn't help myself)

912. Do you have a razor I can borrow?? I need a shave  
913. "You're just over-compensating for having a small wand"

914. Have you ever had penis envy?? I hear evil dictators bent on destroying the world get that a lot. Look at Stewie Griffin  
915. "Get a job, you bum"  
916. "I can see your snake!"  
917. "Read any good prophesies lately?"  
918. (singing) "Take the skinheads bowling, take them bowling..."  
919. -sniff-"Can you smell that? Oh, I'm sorry... I guess you can't...

920. There was a half-blood wizard and riddle was his name-o! R-I-D-D-L-E!

921. Sheessh! Voldemort you startled me. You ought to wear a bell.

922. The death eaters and I are having snake soup tonight, you wanna join us?  
923. Life is not simple, my mummy always say...look at yours  
924. What do you eat? dust? no wonder you look so pale and skinny, have some chicken soup!  
925. there's one kind of person i cant stand, the type where you got beaten by an old man at magic tricks!  
926. I always though Sauron was a better villain than you...no offence but he IS good...  
927. Of course Ill marry you

928. Lets honeymoon in Hawaii… or Guam!!  
929. To tell you the truth, I was always a fan of harry potter  
930. Photographer: Voldy! Yes, I want a smile not a frown! yes, smile for the camera! ka chak!  
931. What's the matter with you today? got beaten by another baby?  
932. to a death eater: I called you-know-who a girl accidentally and he hit me with his purse  
933. Voldy's not my girlfriend!-voldy releases me- thanks babe..

934. OH MY GOD! Youre so white, i can see you in the dark! youre blinding me! auuughhh!!!!!!

935. Just about every genius ih the world came up with this conclusion, YOU GOT YOUR ASS KICKED BY A BABY!!!!!!!!!!!  
936. Maury Povich: In the case of deceased MUGGLE father Tom Riddle Sr., Voldemort, You are the son!!!!  
937. VOLDY MOLDY VOLDY MOLDY!

938. OH MY GOD! YOURE REALLY WHITE, AND HAVE NO NOSE, AND HAVE A BLACK WIG IN THE DRESSING ROOM! YOU'RE MICHAEL JACKSON!!!!!!!

939. "OH MY GOD DANNY DEVITO I LOVE YOUR WORK!"

940. So you're giving up then? No? -shrugs- Don't come to me and cry when I say I told you so!  
941. Hey Voldy! What's the meaning with rubberducks? Hah, you're not that smart, now are you?  
942. Are you sure you don't need glasses? I mean your aim must be really off since you haven't been able to kill that boy yet, not even when he was a baby.. You know he couldn't run back then, right?

943. I know a GREAT orthodonist that can fix that right up...

944. soo...how bout them griffindors?  
945. do u have a tampon?  
946. whats your view on breat implants?  
947. who would win in a fight? an astronaut or a caveman?  
948.-points at robes- who are you wearing?

949. Im so gangster my grills are gumwrappers  
950. is your nose a horcrux? is that why its missing?


	20. Updated 241007

**A/N: Updated 24/10/07: Someone else sent me some more entries so here I am again. I guess I really did finish this story. I'd like to thank.**

**_QueenSerenity818, SpiritWeaver, Ranekaera, Dimonica, free-birds fly at midnight, summergirl2526, angelps7, Jott, WickdGirl-CriminalMind, Spike'TheBigBad, Mizuni-no-neko, Felix Felicis 25, tickledorange, LNluvsHostile17, owlfactory, yonny, Estel A Duath, Lady Potter of Tortall, PlonkerOnDaLoose, Lady Siren Riddle, Azulcat, The Spiny Butterfly, amose, Mydnite Shadoze, _and _maraudersbanana._ **

**And those that read and didnt review. Those who still want to put theirs below, message me.**

* * *

**Submitted by: _QueenSerenity818_**

"DUDE! Dumbledore's like...150, and you couldn't finish him off? So much for being the most evil guy ever..."

"Wow, you're lame..."

"Hey, Tom, how's your dad?"

"You thought that neither Harry nor Dumbledore would figure out the deal with the Horcruxes, huh? BLANKED!"

(Mumble) "Retard."

"What's with the whole Taking-Over-The-Entire-Wizarding-World thing? Did you, like, fail ALL of your exams or somethin'?"

Say nothing, simply point and laugh

"WOW, it's Michael Jackson in the FLESH!"

(Whisper sdeuctively) "Hermione's waiting for you...why don't you go say hi? She's a muggle-born, you know..."

"Why won't you die?! You're like scared of freakin' death? Dude, get a life..."

**Submitted by _free-birds fly at midnight:_**

what about calling lord Moldybuns "The Dark Lord Voldemort The Silly Piggy" like "The Dark Lord Chuckles The Silly Piggy" from the disney show Dave The Barbarian

just call him Oldy

"i've got your nose!"


End file.
